Photo credit – Life is a journey, time is a stream by Photographer Poetry on Flickr

Just as we tucked Zachary to sleep last night, David said to me, “How our lives have changed forever with this little boy”.

The weight on our shoulders has just gotten heavier with his arrival.

Looking back, we never had anything to be worried about during our years dating. We had no commitments and responsibilities, and we could just do anything we wished—just so we’re having fun spending time with each other. Holidays, movie dates, dinners for two, recreational outings—everything we enjoyed was focused on us, us and us.

As years went by, it struck me that, gosh, I’m all grown up now—we got engaged, we bought our 1^st home, we got married and we started living our lives as husband and wife. Even more so now that we’re parents, the duty of responsibility cannot be any more real. We’re now responsible for this little child, so no matter how tough the journey gets, we can’t give up.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going” – John F. Kennedy (1888 – 1969)

Encourage yourself with this quote every time you come to a difficult and challenging situation. Take God’s cue in the direction of your journey for He is in control. Most importantly, never give up, and trust that the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Last Saturday (27 March) was my scheduled check up with my obgyn; he did a 2nd internal examination to see how close I was to delivering my baby. To our disappointment, the doctor confirmed that my cervix was still closed, and has yet to even ripen. There was something else to worry about too; I lost 2kgs the week before and as a precaution I was sent to the labour ward to get a CTG scan–merely to check for baby’s heart rate activity. Everything turned out OK and the doctor sent me home with a 1 week MC so I could wait it out at home (I was really in lots of pain at the hip/thigh area and it was getting too uncomfortable to be at work).

We left the hospital to grab lunch at Pyramid, did some shopping and then headed home. David had a wedding dinner to attend that night, so before reaching home we detoured to a baking supply shop near our place to get some ingredients (I had wanted to bake that night, to kill time, you see). Picking out a packet of flour and some cream cheese and a can of peaches, as I was paying for the items at the cashier, I suddenly felt a “pop” around my vajayjay area and next thing I knew water was flowing down my thighs!

I thought I had accidentally pee-ed, but upon touching it, it felt slimey and I knew it wasn’t pee! I quickly scrambled out of the shop without waiting for my change, got into the car and said to David, “Honey, I think my water just broke”. It was 4.30pm.

The 2 minutes drive home was excrutiatingly long. The water kept trickling for a bit and then stopped. I got home, rang Grace (who had her water break before baby came) to confirm if it was really my water bag breaking. She suggested I wait for a while to see if more were to leak out. I was so anxious my mind was all over the place. I kept pacing in and out of the bedroom into the living room and into the bedroom again, hoping to confirm that it was indeed my water bag breaking. 30 mins later, and further experiencing 2 more trickles, I took a bath, got dressed, and we headed to SDMC (barely after 4 hours of leaving the hospital we were back there again!)

6pm – David and I got to the labour and delivery ward, I stepped in and casually told the midwife–”I think my water just broke”. We were brought into the labour suite, I changed into the hospital gown, and got an internal examination by the midwife. “1.5cm dilated“, she says. She hooked me up onto the CTG machine to monitor my contractions and also the fetal heartbeat. She also wanted to make sure that I was indeed leaking amniotic fluid, so I had a pad sandwiched down-there. It was only after confirming this that she would call my obgyn to examine me, and to confirm that indeed we’ll be having our baby, very soon.

7.30pm – I had another trickle of water, but still not sufficient enough for the midwife to judge if indeed I was in labour. She calls in my obgyn to perform an ultrasound, and check if the amniotic fluids were at a safe level. It could also mean I may be sent home to wait it out. The midwife had me walk around the room to see if more water would leak out. Nothing much really did. I was unconsciously telling my body to make more leak out so we can have our baby already!

8.30pm – My obgyn shows up, with a surprised look on his face. I joked and said “this little boy is playing a trick on us“. He agreed seeing that he only checked my cervix 8 hours earlier confirming that it’s still a waiting game. Ultrasound showed that the amniotic fluids were sufficient, but he did an internal exam to re-confirm the midwife’s dilation estimate. My oh my, it hurt like hell!! He stretched my cervix and estimated it to be approximately 3cm dilated. As soon as his hands came out, a HUGE gush of water followed. “OK, you can’t go home and you’ll have to stay the night. Baby will probably arrive late morning“, he said.

9pm – I’m officially in labour. David starts to set up camp in the labour suite (judging from all the Facebook and Twitter updates, you guys would know what I mean). I can’t believe the last meal I had was pizza at lunch. I am only allowed Milo and something light–2 slices of raisin bread to be precise. We called our parents to confirm that it’s finally happening, and that it was going to be a long night. We watched a bit of TV (I wasn’t really paying attention) and I was given an enema to clear my bowels. Nothing much happened from 9pm to 12 midnite (except for the continuous gush of amniotic fluids), so I was trying to make myself sleep since I wasn’t feeling any contraction pain yet.

Sunday (28 March) 12am to 2am – Contractions are spaced out every 10 minutes, lasting a good 10-15 seconds. The pain is bearable, really like mild period cramps. It was bothering me though, cos I couldn’t really sleep through them. I started to practice my breathing techniques to help numb the cramps.

2am – Contractions become stronger, although still spacing out every 10 minutes, but this time the pain stretches all the way to my lower back! The breathing and relaxation techniques weren’t helping me much and I tried to “tahan” as much as I could but by 2.30am I gave up and asked for my epidural. Yes, I’m weak like that. I have low pain tolerance ok!! Don’t judge me

3am – The doctor on call for anesthetics put me on an IV, and then administered the epidural. Although I couldn’t see the procedure, but it was a little traumatising. David told me later that he inserted a really big needle, almost 3 inch long into a gap between my spine. Thinking about it gives me the shivers now! All in all, the whole process took 30 minutes and by 4am, my contraction pain was gone and I’m officially confined to the bed until the baby is to be delivered. Having the epidural was a blessing–I could sleep through my contractions, and David could sleep in peace without feeling much guilt (being the coach he had to be by my side if I were to be groaning and complaining every 10 minutes or so right?) The downside of the epidural meant that my body was numb from chest down to my thighs, and my bladder had to be emptied by a nurse every hour. Not to forget the excessive shivering as one of its most common side effects.

5am - The nurse came in to administer Pitocin because the contractions weren’t strong enough. I continued to sleep through my contractions, updating Facebook and Twitter in between. Yea, we’re geeks like that.

8am – The nurse came to check on the CTG readings and the contractions are now fairly regular, at 2 minute intervals. Thanks to the epidural, I felt nothing. She continues to up the Pitocin dosage to make the contractions stronger.

8.30am – My obgyn shows up and performs another internal examination. His face suddenly had this surprised look, and he said “Wah, 9cm already!” He then orders the midwife and the nurses to prep for delivery. This is the part where they remove the bottom half of the bed, adjusts the leg rests and put the hand bars up for me to hold on to when I push. I was thinking to myself, “wow, this is it. I’m going to see my baby boy!“. The nurses also gathered all the surgical tools and laid them out on a steel trolley. We’re almost there!

9.25am – The midwife adjusts my epidural effectiveness to 80% so that I could feel the contractions and then start pushing. I try with some practice pushes, attempting to re-call what I learned at ante-natal class. There were 3 nurses and a midwife cheering me on, and of course my head cheerleader, David was by my side counting down as I hold my breath at every single push. After 30 minutes of active pushing, there was no progress. Baby’s head was descending and then yo-yo-ing back up the birth canal.

10am – My obgyn finally takes over and encourages me to keep pushing, hoping to use the vacuum extractor to help pull baby’s head down the birth canal. I was really exhausted, and close to giving up. He ordered the Pitocin dosage up, and got my epidural switched off completely! I looked at him in fear, and I remember saying something like “turn it off completely??!!” He assured me that I’ll still feel no pain at “down there” but the purpose is to help me feel stronger contractions and hopefully be able to also know when to push harder. He said one thing which made me so worried–he said that if I don’t push harder we’ll have to do a c-sect! Immediately I was determined to not let that happen to me!!

10.10am – I was pushing better, stronger, longer, harder! There my doctor was, covered in a big blue plastic apron, wearing Phua Chu Kang inspired yellow rubber boots, holding up a tube with a cup like mechanism at the end, and 3 nurses + 1 midwife + lead coach (aka David) yelling “push push push!“. This time I could not only feel the stronger contractions, but I could also feel myself pushing and bearing down, like trying to expel a really big piece of shit. Yes, it was really like poop-ing out a big piece of poop.

10.21am – After a few more pushes, I hear my obgyn say “oh, no wonder, his head was facing the wrong direction“. I thought I had to give another push but a second later, he plops this lil’ baby on my chest, all still bloody and gooey–and he had a suction cup mark on his head! Poor boy! My son, Zachary Wang is finally here! He’s immediately put under the heater to warm up, and cleaned up. I am relieved it’s over, and also the fact that I didn’t need a c-sect!

Minutes after delivery

My obgyn delivered my placenta, and then stitched me up as I had a episiotomy. By 11 am I could breastfeed Zack for the 1st time. The skin-to-skin contact was so special, immediately I felt so much love and affection for this little child. He was then moved to the nursery to be checked by the paed, and I was monitored for another hour in the labour suite before being moved to the post-natal ward. I had to stay 1 night in the hospital for observation and we were discharged on Monday (29 March).

Now two becomes three, with Zachary in our family.

Photo credit – Be Grateful by SnoShuu on Flickr

I am grateful:

• For God for His unconditional love and His provision
• For my parents who brought me up and raised me to become who I am today
• For my husband who loves me with all his might, takes care of me, and watches out for me, paying extra attention during the entire pregnancy
• For my parents-in-law who take me as their own child
• For my brother for being…my brother
• For my friends who are genuine and always there for me
• For my teachers who have provided me with their guidance and their knowledge
• For a job that I enjoy doing, and for the wonderful relationship I have with my colleagues
• For the roof over our heads, the food on our table and the clothes covering us
• For the country that I live in and the one that I call home

Dear David, I love you more and more, day after day after day.

I’m now in my week 29 of the pregnancy (approx 7 months in) and I’m definitely feeling the load of carrying Muffin Zachary. The 2 flights of stairs to the office is like Mr Wolf huffin-a-puffin’, the 8 hours I sit at my desk at work is like resting on a sharp concrete slab, I wake up to pee in the middle of the night like as if my bladder has just reduced its size by 50% AND back aches are an everyday affair.

I have a pillow on my back to keep me on my side, one between my legs to reduce leg cramps (which btw isn’t 100% effective, had a cramp attack last nite!), one to hug and one for my head to rest on. I feel like I’ve built a bunker around me—poor David can’t even get close!

I have really fugly stretchmarks that I had tried to prevent with all these so called creams but failed miserably when they started appearing bit by bit by bit. My mom had them so I blame my mom it on genetics. And, my body temperature is probably up by 1°C cos I’m so warm all the time!

I can’t get close enough to the kitchen sink to do dishes without getting water everywhere (ok this one is like me making an excuse so David would do the dishes, even at my mom’s!) and I find it so hard to get up from the couch without him helping me up. I really do feel like a beached whale on shore! And I’ve stopped baking religiously cos I just can’t take the heat and the standing-up-for-long-periods-of-time. I really do miss baking and I’m pretty bummed that I won’t be baking any CNY goodies this time around.

But even with all the inconvenience and changes I have gone through (and more to come for sure), I am really anxious that baby will be arriving in less than 10 weeks! I can’t wait to see his face, hold his small fragile body, touch his wriggly fingers and tickle his little toes. That said, 10 weeks will zoom by before we know it and I still need to interview 2 babysitters, attend pre-natal classes, buy his cot and stock up on my TVB dramas to watch during my confinement period. So much to do so little time!

1. I went on a baking spree to clear up my pantry

2. We had a maternity photoshoot (once we get them we’ll share ‘em!)

3. We decided on Muffin’s 1st name (it deserves a separate blog post )

4. I watched Avatar 2 times, second time around in 3D!

5. I roasted my 1st Christmas turkey

6. I paid my traffic offence summon. P/S: Those red light cameras along Old Klang Road are working!!

7. I renewed my car insurance and road tax

8. I successfully bought 90% of Muffin’s stuff

9. We re-signed our home loan agreement papers because the bank decided to change the format of their agreement 2 days after we signed the 1st version.

10. I’ve settled in the fact that I have stretch marks. And inevitably the last of my pre-pregnancy jeans which was still wearable up to today until I started feeling really uncomfortable after lunch is going into cold storage for the mo.

11. I swapped my iPhone with David cos he needs the speed more than me. Did I mention I have a new bling casing? w00t!

12. And that spending 24/7 with David during the holidays is the best feeling in the world!

So, Happy New Year to all, and party safe. Dave and I are popping a non-alcoholic bubbly tonight as we countdown to 2010 from the comfort of our couch.

1. I bought a 2nd hand DSLR so I can take better photos, especially on our holidays!
2. Our 1st Chinese New Year as a married couple, we handed out our first ang paus, and mind you, we had to give them in pairs!
3. I had 5 great holidays this year, the most memorable being Melbourne in January and Paris in March. I’ve always referred to Melbourne as our love city as that was where I fell in love with David. Paris being a love city as it is known to many was a great and memorable experience even though we were only there for 3 days!
4. David and I celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary in March. I am thankful to God for bringing us together and I’m blessed to be growing old, day by day with my soul mate and life partner.
5. In June, David quit his job to go full time with his own outfit Buzzmedia. Version 2.0 of his business went better than expected (although with road bumps in between) but with God’s blessing he is seeing the fruits of his labour growing.
6. In July I confirmed my pregnancy with a home test kit and the good news was heard by all at the end of September. We nicknamed our baby, Muffin!
7. In September I celebrated my 28th birthday as a mother-to-be. I couldn’t celebrate with any alco. But I had the company of my husband and family who mean the world to me.
8. In October with a little help from father-in-law we bought our 2nd home, which will be ready in 2012!
9. In November we decided to  invest in our marriage and we attended a 7-week Alpha Marriage Course that helped us to dwell deeper into our relationship and brought home tips and tools to maintain a happy, fulfilled marriage.
10. In December we found out we’re having a boy! And that he is perfect from top to toe.

Ok can I add 1 more?

1. In 2009 I not only embraced my iPhone 3GS but I also ditched Maxis for Digi!

Here’s what I have planned/lined up for my break:

1. Prepping for Christmas dinner with the family – I’m roasting my very 1^st turkey this year, wish me luck!
2. Maternity photoshoot with hubba bubba – I’ll post ‘em pics when we get them
3. Attend a wedding lunch of a close family friend and spend time with my brother (if he can actually get up at a more humane time *ahem*)
4. Go to Bukit Aman Police Station to appeal and get a discount (or if cannot just pay lor *sobs*) for a traffic light offence that I committed sometime last year (and amazingly just got the summons last week)
5. Renew my car insurance
6. Renew my car road tax (notice I have to settle my summons first, cos I’m not sure if I can renew my car road tax if I don’t attempt point no. 4)
7. Buy the rest of Muffin’s stuff while the Year End Sale is still on
8. Clean up my room at my parent’s place cos I will be confined there when Muffin arrives

I’ll stop at 8 cos it’s an auspicious number and I think I can only manage 8 things to do anyway or else my break will make me exhausted rather than well rested. Looking forward to 1pm on Christmas eve when my break officially begins!

Photo stolen from Hosie’s blog. okthxbai

To close I would like to share here a photo of me with Double L and Hosie taken at St Regis during @amTaurus and @keattie’s wedding dinner. I like this photo because:

• It conceals my super big arms, thighs, body, stomach, hips (insert body part names here)
• I am afraid to take photos by myself unless I have friends helping to cover up for me
• I think I look kinda sweet here *self praise*

Have a blessed Christmas and happy holidays everybody!

See Muffin’s lips and nose, heeeee so tiny

So here are some stats to refresh your memories:

• EDD is 8 April 2010
• 23 weeks to date
• About the size of a very large mango, possibly 11 inches long and 600gms in weight
• 6 ultrasound scans to date (with 2 printouts + 1 DVD)
• Gender confirmed – we’re having a BOY!

I am still in the honeymoon stage of the pregnancy. I don’t experience any dizziness or any feeling of being nauseous anymore. Appetite has improved and I am extremely hungry when I get up in the morning! As for cravings, I still do enjoy spicy food but the urge to have them were not as apparent as in the 1^st trimester.

I can feel more obvious baby movements and they are like huge bubbles popping inside! It sorta goes like bloop bloop bloop and if I put my hand on my tummy, I can actually feel the “pop”. Awesome feeling I must say.

So now that we know Muffin is a boy, we can start preparing for his arrival. And also start thinking of names!

Muffin’s “big picture” – u can see the spine and his heart

• Correction — baby’s expected due date is 8 April 2010
• 15 weeks to date
• Size to date unknown, likely the size of an apple
• Last checkup included blood and urine test
• Started on multivitamins and calcium supplements
• 4 ultrasound scans to date (with 2 printouts) – no printout at last checkup, so jimat RM 60

The progress of the pregnancy has been quite smooth. I haven’t had those horrible morning sickness where I puked like there’s no tomorrow, or I can’t even bear to get out of bed type. I’ve only had headaches (lots of them) and for 1 week I had terrible vertigo. VERY bad vertigo. Every inch I moved, I would see the room spinning. I prayed and prayed that it will not be a long term thing cos I really felt like shit that week. I couldn’t even look down when I’m washing my hands or when I’m wearing my shoes! I couldn’t make sudden left, right, up, down movements. A week later, it started to wear off, and I could go back to being myself, thank God! I still have slight postural vertigo, which usually affects me when I lie down in bed and get up. Wonder when that’s gonna disappear.

The belly? Growing, but it is at a stage where it’s in between fat and pregnant. Which makes my regular tops still wearable but the bottoms a bit not wearable and maternity clothes a bit too out there at the moment. So I got some maternity pants which I can wear with my regular tops + bought some skirty tops which I can continue wearing after delivery. I don’t think I’d even buy any maternity tops, cos the ones I’ve seen out there are so…1978. And the ones which are rather 2009, are…rather….pricey. So regular empire waist tops will probably work till the 2^nd trimester is over.

Cravings? Nothing out of this world that I can’t find easily. I’ve been eating everything! I hear how some pregnant women can’t take the smell of fried fish, or how some of their favourite food now tastes like yesterday’s lunchbox—but nothing like that for me. I did however had the sudden urge for fried cempedak, tau fu fah and sushi rice this week; which I did get hold without much difficulty. I also particularly like anything salty, sourish, spicy and soupy.

What I used to love and now hate? Coffee. The fact is, I have coffee addiction. But when we were planning for this baby I stopped drinking coffee a month before trying; it was tough lor. Then slowly the urge for that cuppa slowly slipped away and even my tiny bottle of decaf is now collecting dust. I made a cup of decaf 2 weeks ago and yucks, I don’t even like it anymore. I guess the body is telling me I don’t need any coffee, decaf or not.

Overall, everything is fine and I’ve been busy compiling information preparing for baby’s arrival. Seems like there’s so much to do so I have to start shopping already! Can’t wait for Muffin to join us